My eyes are witness

My eyes are witness to a holy place where children are sitting with no clue of fate. Standing next to the flawless Ganga one mother is screaming for her lost kid, a man who thinks begging in the name of god is his prime duty and one who is wearing a tatter cloth with a single shoe in his beauty. I asked some kid where do they belong? said with a  grim smile “we scatter on earth for our livelihood, where we eat is our permanent roof”, some are unaware of our manmade alphabet, some are only aware of that place where they slept.

My eyes are witness to those in clover pandits, who says “Infatuation is all illusion”. One who is working day and night, sweating so far and worship at a time, got nothing more than a hopeless light. I asked the pandit about the point of sacrament, where tons of fruits are gifted to a statue and one is not getting a bite of food? He muttered that “mantra behind this gap, is all in God’s lap, the karma you did when last born is the logic behind this can of worms” all were coated in a saffron piece, only few were  committed with the actual service.

My eyes are witness to soulful lovers who never have love for their only mother. Spending date in a posh restaurant, promising of love goal but no rent, this is my girl is a loud shout, his happiness as her fate all girls allows. I asked a young couple what is commitment? They answered in a confident voice, “I wait for his calls day and night and I wish that her wait will never last a while, our relationship is a living example of our commitment and our togetherness is of our mutual terms and condition” valentine is near, celebrating the whole week, rarely remembering parent’s day and it’s zeal.

My eyes are witness to those gender contradictions which leaves one fall into the depth of estimation and left another with a prestigious creation. Comparing themselves in the global articulation, he talks of his muscles, logic and callous, her thought of  crux, inclination and diligence. I asked a professor what is genderism? He replied in a straight face, “maleism is when men cogitate their work in count  and feminism is where women are considered no less along, “ all those comparison are in virtuality, their existence is actually in parity.

My eyes are witness to those angry vultures who takes violence and abuse in their culture. Speaking in front of their mother and sister, victimizing other’s mother and sister, they think that’s the coolest thing. I asked one guy why these slangs are so effeminate? He replied in his carcase, “because females are like diamonds and it’s their privilege to let us broke their hymens” what a nasty world’s phase, even girls are talking the same slang calling it fair shake”.




At the edge of the Earth




I was in a deep dark but suddenly sunrays fell over my face and I realised I haven’t slept this night again. It’s like insomnia. Insomnia that occurs every night. Those rays was warm coming onto my face but my eyes were reluctant to it. They were denying the acceptance of hope. It’s like a tunnel which has no end points. A path with no destination. Life seems too large to be lived for. I could hear the sound of my breath and it sound heavy. I was told to be a morning bird but that day I didn’t want to wake up. I was not lazy, of course, but I was insensible for a life that should be lived for living, not for surviving. I didn’t want to see the world because not a single thing was satisfactory. This human body of mine was no less a collection of dust. Though I was trying to get it right. I was trying to make those dust into stones but I was blank. Blank like a white room where I am tied up and not allowed to say anything, I could see only white light of hopelessness,  nothing else. Pretty mature I was but no more. Like I was living an after death life but that solemnly morning was the reality. I didn’t know who was with me, who was not. I didn’t know where I was and what I was doing. I didn’t know what should I do. Not a single breathe was satisfying, neither life nor death. Peace was just a virtual thing. I was afraid to see my feet that were denying to walk because they felt no path to walk on. I felt lack of strength into my brain. My will got collapsed. I didn’t see any point where I should stop thinking of getting invisible. Single movement was as difficult as if I am pulling 100 bricks together and it was  more than physical exhaustion. My interaction with nature was reducing day by day and the corner of my room was my favourite place. But this is not depression! Depression is when you lost all contacts over yourself and there is nothing existing you feel. I know those rays was intense, my eyes were sensitive but my brain denied to work over it. I was lying over the bed like a gravity less surface. Grave was in the air and I was simply taking that air in.

Crying is not depression but not crying is exactly seems like standing at the edge of the earth and this is what depression do!


Pleasure Of Pain

“Life is perfectly not a good choice, death may be simple and peaceful but still not a good choice again” an honest acceptance by my mind, while the sun was at its height.



But  then I start making excuses. In between the sun set and  arise of night angel my mind speaks again “You can’t deny the fact, that birth and death ain’t your choice but the journey is.”  Isn’t it difficult to bear the variations of our own mind? its like a swirling tornado of thoughts that you actually don’t want but it happens.

After sprinkling motivations and old age philosophies on myself, it is mid night and  again my eyes are blinking to adjust with light or you can say life. I’m somehow managing myself to think again….”reminding yourself that you are hurted is definitely not a good idea but you know little child..pain is important. Imagine your life without pain, don’t you think it’s a push? ..everyone needs it! It is something we are invisibly dependent on to keep moving. It’s like a ‘driving force’ and yes its driving me! It’s a essence of being alive because without dark, existence of light can’t be traced. ohh wait! pain never says, “my dear friend stop walking in your life because I’m in and what else you need to do in your life is to be sad all the time.” Definitely not! you’ll not make any step forward until you feel that standing in that position is not satisfying and that is what pain is. It is something which keeps us reminding that ‘WHY’ you never have to stop yourself in the journey of life. Trust me pain is a magical thing if we know its true meaning. Without pain, happiness is just a noise of laughter. I’m lucky I learned a lot and never stopped myself where it was expected..thanks to the most painful part of my life, I’m happy now.”

After a huge fight between my heart and mind…I have written the blog and went back to sleep.. now i can say I’ll wake up with sun rise.