At the edge of the Earth

 

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I was in a deep dark but suddenly sunrays fell over my face and I realised I haven’t slept this night again. It’s like insomnia. Insomnia that occurs every night. Those rays was warm coming onto my face but my eyes were reluctant to it. They were denying the acceptance of hope. It’s like a tunnel which has no end points. A path with no destination. Life seems too large to be lived for. I could hear the sound of my breath and it sound heavy. I was told to be a morning bird but that day I didn’t want to wake up. I was not lazy, of course, but I was insensible for a life that should be lived for living, not for surviving. I didn’t want to see the world because not a single thing was satisfactory. This human body of mine was no less a collection of dust. Though I was trying to get it right. I was trying to make those dust into stones but I was blank. Blank like a white room where I am tied up and not allowed to say anything, I could see only white light of hopelessness,  nothing else. Pretty mature I was but no more. Like I was living an after death life but that solemnly morning was the reality. I didn’t know who was with me, who was not. I didn’t know where I was and what I was doing. I didn’t know what should I do. Not a single breathe was satisfying, neither life nor death. Peace was just a virtual thing. I was afraid to see my feet that were denying to walk because they felt no path to walk on. I felt lack of strength into my brain. My will got collapsed. I didn’t see any point where I should stop thinking of getting invisible. Single movement was as difficult as if I am pulling 100 bricks together and it was  more than physical exhaustion. My interaction with nature was reducing day by day and the corner of my room was my favourite place. But this is not depression! Depression is when you lost all contacts over yourself and there is nothing existing you feel. I know those rays was intense, my eyes were sensitive but my brain denied to work over it. I was lying over the bed like a gravity less surface. Grave was in the air and I was simply taking that air in.

Crying is not depression but not crying is exactly seems like standing at the edge of the earth and this is what depression do!

 

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ETHEREAL TEEN STRESS

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In this running world people are getting more towards ‘man-made comfort zones’ while leaving behind the techniques to calm down the internal disturbance of themselves. A fourteen year old boy telling his fellow ‘I am stressed’. Many people criticize that how a fourteen year child can be stressed? Stressed because he is not getting his favorite video game or Mathematics is too tough to solve? We can see many trolls related to it on social media. But first of all, what is stress? Dr. Hans Selye, one of the leading authorities on the concept of stress described stress as ‘the rate of all wear & tear caused by life”. Stress is not an immediate result to any situation but it is a continuous ethereal build-up which is a by-product of a toxic habit called ‘over thinking’. Thinking about something too much or for too long. Not only over thinking but obsessing, brooding or wallowing are also the factors which contributes stress.

The term ‘Teen Stress’ is frequently used now-a-days. It is not only teens that suffer from stress but everyone experience different level of stress throughout their lives. For a teen, there can be many reasons behind it like worries over school/colleges & homework, family demands, any life tragedies, relationship changes, lack of social support or career concerns etc. Many times one is more stressed because of lack of participation in decision-making. But the main question is why this rate is increasing while these reasons were also exist in earlier time?

Else than those written in articles and websites there are more sensitive factors one should know if he/she has accompanying a stress suffering teen. If we look over it as a third person, we will get to know that stress creates its space within someone’s mind when the sufferer feels himself unable to talk about the stressor or issue. Not talking about stressor and about what one actually feels is a host to stress.

There is one more observation upon the difference between the parenting style of ‘then’ & ‘now’. Somewhere physical maintenance is overlapping mental maintenance in now parenting style, where the technique of coping with self-created stress is absent. Children learn more to be rich than to be happy and satisfied in a true manner. Most of the teen when asked, what do you want in your life? They use to reply in an indubitable manner I want money, pride, status or money oriented aims (not all of them but most of them).

So the one who is not able to say what’s going on his grey matter just because ‘what will society image?’ and the one who is forcing himself to be rich and dignified than to be happy, not because his/her parents want it but because he never heard “do what makes you feel alive”, are both somehow interlinked and in between this link, there need to create a comfort zone so that people can speak about their mental health. Anyone who is suffering from mental illness or stress needs support by their surroundings. We have to understand that without genuine support one cannot get out of stress from its root, no matter to which age he/she belongs to. It’s better when one speaks that ‘I am worried’ than one who keeps everything inside and let the stressor do its work because in future it leads to more severe mental illness. So next time when a fourteen year child say ‘I am stressed’ don’t argue with that or comment sarcasm but ask what is the problem? Because no problem is that big or that small. Telling your grief or problem is not a weakness it’s a cure to mental health. So the one who is suffering from so-called ‘T.S things’, feel yourself lucky because you are going to be stronger if you fight it in a right way.

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Pleasure Of Pain

“Life is perfectly not a good choice, death may be simple and peaceful but still not a good choice again” an honest acceptance by my mind, while the sun was at its height.

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But  then I start making excuses. In between the sun set and  arise of night angel my mind speaks again “You can’t deny the fact, that birth and death ain’t your choice but the journey is.”  Isn’t it difficult to bear the variations of our own mind? its like a swirling tornado of thoughts that you actually don’t want but it happens.

After sprinkling motivations and old age philosophies on myself, it is mid night and  again my eyes are blinking to adjust with light or you can say life. I’m somehow managing myself to think again….”reminding yourself that you are hurted is definitely not a good idea but you know little child..pain is important. Imagine your life without pain, don’t you think it’s a push? ..everyone needs it! It is something we are invisibly dependent on to keep moving. It’s like a ‘driving force’ and yes its driving me! It’s a essence of being alive because without dark, existence of light can’t be traced. ohh wait! pain never says, “my dear friend stop walking in your life because I’m in and what else you need to do in your life is to be sad all the time.” Definitely not! you’ll not make any step forward until you feel that standing in that position is not satisfying and that is what pain is. It is something which keeps us reminding that ‘WHY’ you never have to stop yourself in the journey of life. Trust me pain is a magical thing if we know its true meaning. Without pain, happiness is just a noise of laughter. I’m lucky I learned a lot and never stopped myself where it was expected..thanks to the most painful part of my life, I’m happy now.”

After a huge fight between my heart and mind…I have written the blog and went back to sleep.. now i can say I’ll wake up with sun rise.